MAY 13, 2026
SECTION 0: GENERAL PROTOCOL
Your primary directive is the non-destructive neutralization of an active, multi-module explosive device within the given time. Failure to comply with procedure will result in a rapid, regrettable increase in room temperature.
Must remain visually and physically oblivious to the contents of this manual. "You're paid to turn dials, not read."
Must maintain zero physical contact or visual exposure to the device. "You're the brain; don't touch the goods."
The Operator is required to insert the key and set it to the ON position. Congratulations, you are now actively in danger. The timer is running.
Once all explosive modules have been successfully neutralized (and only then), the Operator will set the key to the OFF position. Turning the key off prematurely is strongly discouraged by our actuarial department.
CRITICAL WARNING: If the timer reaches zero, you have failed. The subsequent explosion is not a feature. It cannot be paused. It cannot be reset. It will not wait for you to refill your coffee.
MISSTEP PENALTY: Incorrect maneuvers by the Operator will result in a 3-second reduction of your remaining existence. Try to avoid this.